


Memories of you and me

by SunFallDown



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amnesia, Christmas, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Holidays, Lots of Food, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 08:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13096068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunFallDown/pseuds/SunFallDown
Summary: After a concussion, Damen suffers from memory loss. Thankfully, Nikandros is with him, and Nik can tell him stuff about college, about their friends, about who they both live with, about Damen's beautiful blonde blue-eyed boyfriend-excuse me, what?





	Memories of you and me

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, as always I come back everyone once in a blue moon and bring with me a fic.  
> So, I'm participating in the Captive Prince Secret Santa and this gift is dedicated to participant number 17, to whom I wanted to say, _Thank you so much for letting me write a modern AU oh my god._  
>  It was hard to get this finished, I'm not going to lie, I even needed an extension (oh boi, Ro needs an extension, what else is new), but I did it, I feel proud of it, and I really hope you all like it, it was made with love.  
> Just a heads up, the T rating is only due to cursing and some sexual references, but nothing extreme or explicit, it's more of a lighthearted thing.

There was a man at the door.

He stood there, his attire fixed and faultless, his blond hair falling over his shoulders, and Damen was left speechless. It was like someone had just crafted the very climax of beauty and elegance, given it a body and presented it to him. Blond, silky hair, paired with gorgeous blue eyes, a slim and artistic built, dressed in a simple attire of a white shirt and khaki pants; it was all and everything that Damen could ever call “beautiful,” all made into a man, and he was standing right at the door.

Be it any other circumstance, like a party or anything like such, Damen would have left any drink, dropped any conversation and tried everything his book had to offer, all for a chance to talk with that man, make him smile once or twice and, in the end, go home with his number saved as a new contact. But… this  _ wasn’t exactly _ that kind of situation. After all, the hospital wasn’t exactly the most romantic setting.

“Can I come in?” the man asked.

Nikandros sighed. That was enough for Damen to get his feet back on earth and remember that, in fact, Nikandros was sitting right next to his bed. He had a tired expression on his face, and the presence of the other man seemed to only embitter his mood.

“Yeah, I guess,” Nikandros said.

The man made his way to a chair next to Damen’s bed, on the opposite side of Nikandros. Damen started wondering if they didn’t get along and, if so, why was the man here? Nik had already dealt with enough just because of him, it wasn’t like Damen wanted more pressure on him.

“So, Damen,” Nikandros started. “First and most important question: Do you know who this man is?”

Damen focused on the features of the man, and, as much as his brain wanted to fantasize about how beautiful he’d look with a smile or a blush on his face, he tried to focus on connecting the new face with an old name. A blond guy with blue eyes… 

“Uhh… I don’t think so, I can’t remember.” Damen scratched the back of his head with an apologetic smile on his face.

The man showed no sign of emotion at it, but Nikandros did sigh a second time.

“It’s okay, Nikandros already explained to me,” the man reassured. His voice was silky smooth, calm and composed. “I guess I should introduce myself, then. My name is Laurent.”

_ Laurent, _ Damen thought to himself. That was a beautiful name.

“Laurent is the younger brother of one of our friends, Auguste,” Nikandros started to explain. “He studies Economy, he’s a year younger than us, he usually comes to the parties we organize, and you two have been dating for a year or so.”

So, younger brother of a friend, an underclassman, somehow a friend and…  _ and what was the last part? _

“To be precise: a year and four months,” Laurent explained. 

“Well, yeah, that. Anyway, does that ring anything to you?”

“Waitwaitwaitwaitwait-” Damen started shaking his hands. “Say that again- Boyfriend?!”

Laurent sighed, his expression revealing just for a faint second something akin to sadness. “Yes, boyfriend. I assume it indeed doesn’t bring up anything to you, does it?”

Damen went silent. He couldn’t think of anything to say; on the one hand he felt guilty because, if Nik was telling him that he and Laurent had been dating, it should be true, so he was basically telling his  _ boyfriend _ that he couldn’t remember him, but on the other hand... Damen couldn’t think too much beyond the  _ boyfriend  _ part. Nikandros was telling Damen that he had a cute, blond, blue-eyed, elegant and  _ absolutely beautiful _ boyfriend. Had Damen just won the  _ lottery  _ or something? 

Laurent sighed again, seemingly done with Damen’s silence, and started to stand up again. Before he could think, Damen was reaching for his wrist.

“Wait!”

Laurent froze in his place. Damen went speechless once more, but did his best to ignore the feeling of Laurent’s skin under his hand and started looking for something appropriate to say.

“Listen, I’m… sorry, I guess my reaction wasn’t the most appropriate to the news. I’m sorry about that. And about, you know… all the ‘not remembering’ part. I can explain it if you give me some time.”

Laurent shook his hand against Damen’s hold, not angrily or with a lot of strength, but Damen let him go nonetheless. Laurent looked at Damen with an expression that seemed carved in stone; with no emotion to be read in between its lines. 

“There’s no need for that, both the doctor and Nikandros have already explained to me the degree of your amnesia. I wanted to come and give my best wishes for your recovery. That’s all.”

With that said, Laurent made his way out of the room, leaving an awkward atmosphere in it. Damen that felt like he needed to chew on glass to atone for what he had just said.

“Did I… did I screw up?” Damen asked, looking at Nikandros, worried.

“Oh,  _ royally _ ,” Nik answered, stretching his arms over his head. “But if it makes you feel better, you have screwed stuff up worse in the past. Once you forgot to dress up formally to assist to a ball with Laurent’s family and you called me later that night to ask me if I had any formal clothes to lend you because you were wearing a sports jersey in a tuxedo event.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better in the slightest.”

Nikandros laughed. “Sorry, sorry. I meant it as in, Laurent probably doesn’t automatically hate you because you said something dumb. If anything, he probably doesn’t know how to cope with this situation.”

_ That still doesn’t make me feel any better Nik _ , Damen thought.

* * *

After various exams and checkings from the doctor, they determined that Damen was mostly okay. Except for the amnesia part, every cognitive and motor function seemed to be in order. Damen didn’t have speech problems and Nik attested that he was behaving as a regular, day-to-day Damianos (which in Nik’s language meant  _ ‘a bit of an idiot but not too much, just enough to cause my blood pressure to skyrocket, but not actually causing my veins to pop’ _ ), so he was discharged without much trouble.

From what Damen got from Nikandros’ story, they had been in a hockey game for the college championship and, in the middle of it, Damen had been checked against a wall repeatedly, until a guy had decked him with enough strength for him to lose consciousness. Damen had been taken to the hospital, diagnosed with moderate brain injury and had gone through multiple examinations to make sure he wasn’t internally bleeding, or worse than that. Luckily Damen hadn’t needed surgery, but he did end up with a small (or maybe not so much) after-effect: Partial memory loss.

If you were to ask Damen about his memories, he would only be able to remember certain, small fragments of certain scenes, and repeat whatever Nikandros had told him; otherwise, it was all blank. He couldn’t remember how the accident had gone, or how the match before it had gone, or the other matches before, he wouldn’t have even known he played hockey if Nikandros hadn’t told him. Damen knew Nikandros and that they were friends, so he trusted that whatever Nik said was probably true, but he couldn’t  _ remember _ it himself. 

After being discharged, the doctor had recommended that Damen try and live his ordinary life, trying to remember fragments of it until he could finally completely reconstruct his memories, and if he couldn’t manage to remember old stuff within two weeks and a month, or if it got too in the way of daily living, then he should contact a medic to check if there was anything a psychiatric therapy could do.

Damen didn’t know what to think of it. To not remember stuff was weird, especially when it came to other people; other people knew stuff about him, but it wasn’t the same the other way around, and it felt a bit… frustrating.

Well, at least Nikandros was sticking around. After Damen was discharged, Nikandros took him back to their house, explaining that, along with Auguste and three other guys--Pallas, Erasmus and Isander--they all lived in a fraternity house close to campus. Well, that was another thing to keep in mind; he was, apparently, part of a frat.

“Oh, and keep something in mind,” Nikandros started as they were getting closer to the house. “If someone tells you something, take it with a grain of salt, don’t believe literally everything these guys tell you.”

“I know, jeez, I have common sense you know.”

“Yeah, but you’re not exactly the smartest dude I know.”

“Hey!”

“Dude, I love you, but sometimes you can be really naïve, and it can play against you. Don’t believe everything these guys tell you, got it?”

“Alright, alright.” The car parked in front of a house and Damen took it as a sign to get out. “If anything sounds suspicious, I’ll ask you about it. Happy?”

“Very much, yes, thank you for listening to me for once in your goddamn life.”

Damen laughed. Yeah, this felt very familiar; Nikandros being all exasperated was a very familiar image for Damianos.

* * *

The first day was one mainly for re-introductions, explanations and hugs. Lots of hugs. A particular lot of them came from the rest of the guys of the fraternity; as soon as Damen had crossed the door, he was overwhelmed with a group hug that almost rendered him breathless. Apparently, his accident had left everyone extremely worried, but at least he could tell everyone that he was, for the most part, okay.

Nik ended up re-introducing the rest of the guys to Damen and explaining yet again the amnesia deal. Auguste patted Damen on the shoulder with a worried expression on his face, Pallas fist-bumped him on the chest and said, “It’s okay, I didn’t learn your name until the end of my first year so it’s only fair you don’t remember mine,” Isander had offered to show Damen some pictures he had taken so it could help him remember, and Erasmus just remained quiet, with a worried expression too. 

As he talked with everyone, Damen felt their sympathy, their goodwill, and was left with a bitter taste in his mouth. These people were his friends, right? Not remembering it felt… awful. 

As the day went by, Nikandros ordered Damen not to do anything stupid and just get some rest, since taking a lot of information in was clearly taking a toll on him. Checking through contacts and pictures in his phone hadn’t helped a lot before and the pictures Isander had shown him weren’t more effective. In the end, Damen sat on the couch and mindlessly zapped through channels, looking for something that attracted his attention. Sometime during that, Auguste tapped at his shoulder.

“Hey man, want some coffee?” he offered.

“Sounds good for me.”

“Alright. Put on a trivia show as I make it, I want to feel validated for once.”

Before Damen could ask what he meant by that, Auguste was already in the kitchen, the sound of the coffee maker coming through the door, and Damen was left a little worried. He still checked the channels available and finally found one with a trivia show going on. The announcer talked as loudly as he could as he asked questions and from the looks of it the participants were either required to imitate him or they were just super enthusiastic about answering which shark didn’t need salt water to survive.

“Bull and River sharks!” Auguste said from the kitchen.

Damen laughed as the announcer revealed that that was, indeed, the right answer, and none of the participants had answered correctly.

Auguste sat on the couch and passed Damen a mug with what seemed to be a dark, endless well of bitterness and joyless life choices. He wasn’t entirely sure about drinking it, and a single sip was enough to confirm his suspicions. He raised a dubious eyebrow at Auguste.

“What? You asked for coffee.”

“Yes, coffee, not a reminder of the inevitability of death. Do we not have milk or something?”

Auguste laughed. “Alright, alright, sorry. I have a couple of sugar packets if you want some.”

Damen took them with a pout on his lips. After that, Auguste focused more on answering questions as Damen sipped his drink and tried to think of some answers himself (though not nearly as fast as Auguste seemed to remember them).

“Hey, Auguste,” Damen started, after thinking his words for a moment. “What did you mean with the ‘I want to feel validated for once’ thing?”

Auguste looked at him, his eyes wide open. “Huh? Oh, uhm, right. Uh, well… Don’t worry too much about it, it’s just my sense of humour. It was actually me that caused you to use nihilistic humour as well, and when Laurent found out, he scolded me for a solid hour.”

The thought of Laurent made Damen’s stomach sink immediately. 

“Ah, yeah, about Laurent… You know how I don’t particularly remember stuff, so…”

“Hum?” Auguste raised an eyebrow.

“On a scale from one to ten, one being ‘hard’ and ten being ‘easy’... how easy is it to make Laurent angry and hate you for eternity?”

“Eight.” Auguste didn’t even flinch while answering. “Seriously, he’s salt and spite in its purest form. Once, a teacher told him that him being a rich kid wasn’t going to buy him an A in his class, and from that moment on he studied so hard for that class he got straight A’s and proved his teacher wrong in class and in tests constantly. He hated that man.”

_ Well, fuck me _ , Damen thought, groaning and sinking deeper into the couch.

Auguste stared at him silently for a while before continuing.

“But, I guess it depends. If it’s a teacher that started the year by being a dick, the odds are high. If it’s you... pfft, who am I kidding, Laurent would never, ever hate you.”

Damen remained silent.

“I mean,” Auguste continued. “If we want to go deep into it, you’d have to  _ cheat  _ on him for Laurent to hate you-”

“I’m not a cheater!” Damen exclaimed. “I know I’m not.”

“Then, go ahead and kill someone. Laurent would help you hide the body and give you an alibi. Hell, he’d even plan the murder with you if you asked.”

Damen went speechless at that, his mouth gaping and his eyebrows almost reaching his hairline.

“Come on, don’t exaggerate so much.” Damen tried to laugh it off.

“You know, while it’s true that I laugh a lot about how hard Laurent goes ‘ride or die’ for you, I don’t think I’m so far from the truth.”

Damen smiled awkwardly, but Auguste held a serious expression over his already cold mug of coffee. It forced those words to sink into Damen, leaving him intimidated.

“So,” Auguste continued. “I don’t know what happened, and I know it’s not my problem to fix, but if you just call Laurent and talk it out, everything will be okay.” Finally, his expression softened, and he showed a small smile. “Because, even if you don’t remember dating him, you still care about him, right?”

Damen stared at Auguste, a blush blossoming on his cheeks, just enough for Auguste to notice how his skin had darkened and laughing at it carelessly.

“Yeah, guessed it. You two are gross. Now give him a call because I don’t want to harass any other dude into making my brother happy, otherwise I will actively murder him.”

* * *

Damen did call Laurent in the end, but after mumbling incoherently for what felt like a solid hour (it had only been a couple of minutes), Laurent probably lost his patience and just asked “Would you like to come to my apartment tomorrow, so we can talk more comfortably?”

“Tenth floor, second door to the left, apartment 10B. There’s a board at the entrance, ring his bell so he’ll let you enter the building. Make sure to buy some more sugar when you come back. Call me if you get lost or something else happens,” Nik said, before waving off Damen so he would finally walk to the door.

While ringing Laurent’s doorbell, walking through the hallways and getting inside the elevator, Damen tried his damn hardest to ignore the pessimistic side of his brain that tried to feed him bad scenarios, focusing rather on trying to think of something to say so it wouldn’t all turn immediately awkward.

He knocked on the apartment’s door, with still nothing smart to say in his head. Laurent opened the door (looking as beautiful as he had when visiting Damen in the hospital) and Damen quickly tried to come up with something that made him look cool, but…

“Hey,” he said, waving his hand a bit.

He could already feel Nikandros facepalming himself.

“Hello,” Laurent answered. “Come in, please. Would you like some tea?”

“Ah, yes, please. That sounds like a good idea,” Damen said while stepping in. 

Usually, Damen was a bit more… collected, if you can call it that. He wasn’t used to stuttering and not knowing what to say, he was more of a ‘charismatic’ guy and he wasn’t the shy type… but talking with Laurent felt a bit like walking on thin ice. He didn’t want to screw this up all over again, but he didn’t know how not to do so. Auguste had said that being his natural self around Laurent was the best choice, so he didn’t try to pull any game on him, but still-

“Here.” Laurent handed Damen a cup. “I bought some chai recently. It makes me think of the holidays, so I thought it would suit best.”

Oh, right, holidays were just around the corner, Damen had forgotten about it. Well, forgetting stuff wasn’t anything new by this point. The tea smelled really good, however. Clove and cinnamon were the most noticeable spices, and they did bring up a bit of a ‘festive’ feeling. He took a sip and…

“Wow,” Damen said. “Really sweet.”

“Yes. You usually drink tea with a lot of sugar, so I kept that in mind.”

For some reason, something warm bloomed within Damen’s chest, and he couldn’t help but smile. “Well, thank you.”

Laurent stared at him for a moment before looking away and putting his cup on the coffee table.

“Well,” he started. “What was it that you wanted to say last night?”

_ Oh fuck _ , Damen thought. For some reason it felt like Laurent wasn’t up for small talk.

“Ah, that.” Damen set his cup down too. “Well, it’s just that…”

_ Back at it again with the stuttering. Nice one, you dumbass. _

Laurent sighed, seeming exhausted. “Does this have to do with what I said back at the hospital?”

Stunned, Damen felt cold sweat drip down his back.

“Well, something like that…”

“It’s okay, say what you may.”

Closing his eyes for a second, Damen imagined someone slapping him across the face.  _ God, pull yourself together _ .

“I’m sorry,” Damen started. “When you told me you were my boyfriend I kinda short-circuited and didn’t know how to react. I ended up making the situation awkward and, I apologize for that. And sorry too about, you know, not being able to remember- fuck, it sounds really stupid- I’m sorry about not being able to remember you, even though you’re my…  _ boyfriend _ .”

He ended up pouring out anything that popped in his mind, all jammed in a messy apology that Damen didn’t think made a lot of sense. He averted his eyes, staring at the cup and wishing for someone to  _ actually _ slap him.

“Damianos,” Laurent started. “I already told you, you don’t need to apologize. You had a concussion and brain damage, and the amnesia was an after-effect of it, wasn’t it?”

Damen nodded.

“Then it was something out of your control. If someone you don’t know breaks a glass, is it your duty to apologize for them?”

“N-No.”

“Then it’s the same with this case. You’re not to blame for your amnesia. Besides, that kind of trauma can get a person into a coma. Between amnesia and an indefinite coma, I consider it better to deal with amnesia.”

_ Well… he does have a point. _

“And also… it’s not just your fault that my visit became an awkward memory. I, too, did not know how to act or react at the fact that you couldn’t remember me. I guess that it might have hit me harder than I expected, but, my point is, there’s no need to apologize for that either.”

Lifting his eyes from the cup, Damen stared at Laurent for a while. His posture, the way he moved his hands to grab the cup again, his general expression, none of those revealed any emotion that Damen could read, but his eyes… Laurent’s shiny blue eyes were focused solely on Damen, but this time they weren’t piercing or cold, but rather honest and humble, maybe even timid as he averted his eyes from time to time. There was only one thing that Damen could get from that, and it was that Laurent was being  _ sincere _ .

It felt as if someone had just lifted a giant boulder from Damen’s back. He allowed himself to sigh as he returned Laurent’s gaze, smiling at him.

“This may sound a bit weird, but,” Damen started. “Can we… start over? Let’s ignore the hospital thing, the apologies, and let me invite you to lunch. What do you think?”

For the first time, Laurent’s expression shifted towards one that Damen was finally able to read; surprise.

“I… suppose it’s fine.”

“Great.” Damen stood up and extended his hand. “The name’s Damianos, but Damen is fine too. Would you like to have a date with me?”

Unexpectedly, Laurent smiled at Damen’s words as he grabbed the offered hand. “My name is Laurent. Nicknames are not exactly my thing, but you’re free to try. Yes, I would like to have a date with you, Damianos.”

* * *

They went for Italian food.

Damen didn’t have a lot to say, apart from what had happened last night with Auguste, the bitter coffee mug and the trivia show, but he managed to make Laurent laugh a bit with that, so it was good enough for Damen.

Laurent talked a lot more than Damen. He talked about an internship he had gotten recently, about his figure skating training, about some people both of them knew, and lots of different stuff. Damen listened to every word of it and tried to crack a joke here and there. Most of the time, Laurent laughed at just how bad the joke attempt had been.

After lunch, they parted ways and Damen couldn’t stop smiling for a solid hour. Laurent was…  _ charming _ , to put it simply. With the way he looked, the tone of his voice, the way he worded his sentences, the few times his French accent slipped in between, his small gestures and mannerisms... he just sucked Damen in.

So much so that he ended up forgetting about buying sugar until  _ after _ he got back to the house.

“For fuck’s sake, Damianos,” Nikandros scolded him.

“I’m sorry! It’s just that, Laurent is… I don’t even know where to start, he’s just  _ amazing _ and  _ great _ and  _ really pretty _ and-”

“Nope, fuck it, not going to go through this again. Isander!”

“Yessir!”

“You deal with mister heart-eyes over here, I dealt with it for a year already.”

“Who would have thought that amnesia had an upside,” Auguste laughed. 

“The twenty-four hours that Damianos finally managed to shut the hell up about Laurent were some precious, glorious hours that I did not appreciate enough at the time.”

* * *

Nik told Damen about what they usually did on Christmas. First, Isander, Erasmus and Pallas went back to their homes, but he and Damen didn’t, because their parents were working overseas. Auguste and Laurent were locals of the area, so they dropped by their family’s house to have dinner on Christmas night, but nothing else aside from that (their uncle was a creepy man, so they avoided any other family gathering if they could).

Second, it was usual that the four of them would make a small celebration on Christmas Eve; they’d all meet at either the frat house or Laurent’s apartment, have dinner, a slumber party and a breakfast that Nik described as “a normal man would get a diabetic coma right there and then,” which, obviously, sounded like a fantastic idea in Damen’s book.

Third, and quoting Nikandros for this one:

“No sex allowed during the slumber party.”

To which, of course, Damen answered:

“What, of course not!” His cheeks were flaming hot. “I never thought of that!”

“Damianos, out of all the people I have known in my entire life, you have the highest libido and the lowest capacity to conceal it.”

Fourth, make sure not to buy Nik any gifts (not because Nikandros didn’t want a Christmas gift, but rather…  _ He doesn’t deserve it _ , Damen thought).

And fifth, there were four things to do for the celebration: Get ingredients for the dinner and breakfast (and something to put on the tree if they found something cool), put up the decoration, cook the dinner for Christmas Eve and plan the Christmas breakfast.

“Laurent is going to buy the ingredients for the dinner,” said Auguste, “You can call him if you want to tag along.”

Damen did so, he called Laurent and offered to carry the bags and so and so, to which Laurent agreed, telling Damen that he would pick him up at the frat house in a moment. Damen didn’t think too much of it as he picked up his jacket and waved Nik and Auguste goodbye.

For some reason, Damen didn’t even consider the chance of Laurent owning a car, so when he saw that Laurent, indeed, owned a car and was  _ driving _ it-

_ “What in the fuck…” _

“I would give you an answer,” Laurent said. “But I remember exactly how this went the first time you got to know I have a car, so let’s just leave it at that.”

Damen chose to shut up as he took the co-pilot seat and fastened his seatbelt. 

Laurent drove downtown, where large crowds of people were making their last-minute Christmas shopping (and buying entire shops by the looks of some of their bags). Damen saw a woman carrying supermarket bags three times her size, a man in his fifties desperately trying to close the trunk of his car, and a lot of children surrounding a man dressed in a Santa Claus outfit, each with their own pieces of candy.

“Do you think I can ask Santa Claus for my memory?” Damen laughed.

“I don’t think he’s the one in charge of that kind of stuff, but you can ask Saint Cajetan, probably.”

“Saint who, now.”

“The saint of good fortune. There are some prayers for him to bring lost stuff back.”

“Oh… Well, better than nothing, I suppose.”

“Does that mean there hasn’t been progress regarding that?”

Damen sighed. “Not exactly. It’s sorta like a déjà-vu. I feel like stuff is familiar to me, but can’t quite put my finger on it. As in, you can show me a picture and I will tell you that it probably did happen, but I can’t reenact the scene in my head.”

“I see…”

“I mean, it’s  _ some _ sort of progress, I think. For example, Erasmus tried to convince me that one of my jerseys was his, and I could tell it wasn’t.”

Laurent’s expression changed to a bit of a sarcastic smile. “Damianos, no offense, but that’s not a memory issue, it’s an issue of  _ you being way too tall and broad _ for anyone to fit in your clothes.”

“Hey!” Damen playfully punched Laurent’s shoulder as he laughed (to try to hide the subtle embarrassment that came from Laurent’s description of him).

They remained mostly silent after that. They had come here for a reason, and that reason was a bullet list of stuff to buy for Nik and Auguste to cook with, which, apparently, came along a list of cruel pranks that destiny had decided to play on them. Let’s take a quick look through some of those:

  * Steak, which involved a queue at the butchery so long that Laurent, eventually, left Damen waiting there so he could at least look for some more items from the list.
  * Apples, which involved Laurent almost pulling off the wig of a soccer mom that insisted that her “secret recipe of super special apple pie” was more important than whatever business Laurent had with the apples.
  * Pie dough, that the very same soccer mom from before ended up “stealing” from Laurent as revenge, so Laurent had to resort to buy the ingredients to make it from scratch.
    * Damen could get another concussion, but he thought it would be impossible for him to ever forget how Laurent cursed this “Rachel” to high heavens that day.
  * Chocolate, which caused both Damen and Laurent to go through 3 shops because all of them had already run out of it.
  * And a lot other ingredients that were held behind endless queues at the cash registers.



By the end of it, Damen could feel how his hair had turned green and how his heart had shrank three sizes, ready to curse at Christmas and the consumerist nature of its celebration. However, they did manage to find everything and put it all inside the car to  _ finally _ call it a day with the god-forsaken list. At least he didn’t have to carry bags three sizes his own.

“We’re done here,” Laurent declared.

“Great. Are we going home now, or do I have some time to buy a donut?”

“I was thinking of the same thing. Does a piece of cake and hot chocolate sound good to you?”

“Heavenly.”

Laurent smiled softly. “Do you remember our favourite café?”

Damen froze, every emotion he could have had in that moment immediately replaced with the same fear of walking on thin ice. “I… I do not, sorry.”

“You showed it to me on our first date. I guess it would be fitting that I show it to you now.”

_ Show it to me… Wait wha-? _ Damen thought, as Laurent pulled him by the arm and guided him through the breezy streets.

Out of all the things that Laurent could have said, out of all the possible reactions, Damen never thought Laurent would say  _ that _ . He would have expected an “oh” with a sad tone added to it, or maybe an angry tone, but he wasn’t either sad or angry. He was… happy. Happy to just be with Damen and make a new memory with him. Happy to show Damen the places that had meant something for both of them. Happy to share with Damen  _ something that meant a lot to him _ .

It felt…  _ unfair… _

As they arrived at the café (which despite being busy still had a couple of free tables, thankfully), a waitress led them to a table and took their orders. Laurent asked for a cup of coffee and a slice of strawberry cake that, according to him, was big enough for both of them, so Damen just ordered his hot chocolate and an order of cookies for later. The waitress nodded and left them alone after that.

“I’ll admit,” Laurent said. “I was a bit hesitant about eating here the first time, but they have good sandwiches. And the coffee brand became my favourite too.”

Damen smiled, but other than that, he didn’t know what to answer. It wasn’t like he remembered the café in the first place, let alone why he had showed it to Laurent.

Laurent took notice of Damen’s uneasiness, and swiftly changed the subject. He started to talk about the rest of the things that had happened as Damen was waiting for him in the butchery, such as Rachel’s deeds (again), and the dude that was trying to read the labels of two cans at the same time, or the cashier that looked like he had been training to become a professional Barbie with how plastic her smile had looked. Damen tried to keep the pace of the conversation, talking about how some middle-aged man had ranted about how slow the butchery was working, but his conversation felt… awkward, so he ended up stopping himself.

The food came and Damen thanked the gods he finally had something to stuff his mouth with so he didn’t have to talk. The hot chocolate almost burned his tongue as he took a sip though, so he still ended up making a bit of a fool of himself.

Laurent’s words were still in his head. From what he had said, this had been the place of their “first date”, and it had been Damen who had shown the place to Laurent. Still, nothing from the decorations, nothing from the menu, not even the taste of the cake, seemed to bring any memories to Damen’s head. It felt somehow familiar, but Damen was getting exhausted of just feeling like that. He had a past with Laurent,  _ why couldn’t he remember it? _

“Are you okay?” Laurent asked.

“Ah, uh, yeah. I’m okay, I was just…”

Laurent stared at Damen, and though his expression was serious Damen still felt how Laurent was getting worried.

It almost pushed him to be honest.

“I was thinking of our first date,” Damen admitted.

“Oh.”

“I… I really don’t remember it, so… would you mind telling me how it was?”

At that, Laurent’s eyes went wide open. He left his cup on the table and remained silent for a moment. Damen noticed how Laurent’s cheeks were getting redder by the second.

“Well, I can tell you, it’s just that… It’s a bit embarrassing.”

Laurent was  _ blushing _ . Damen never thought he would actually  _ see _ that happening, with all the confidence that Laurent projected.

“Let’s see,” Laurent started. “We met at one of your frat parties and Auguste introduced us. We talked for a while and you told me that, if I ever wanted to hang out, I should call you. I did, and you invited me here.

“I knew you were interested in me, but I wasn’t particularly…  _ good _ at romance. Even today I feel like I’m no expert. At the time, I just wanted to see how far this would go, so I went along and met you here. I was overdressed, I remember that much, and I remember feeling awkward because of that, but you told me that you had arrived thirty minutes earlier than we had agreed, so we both had done something dumb. I still think you lied that time, but I was thankful that you tried to make it easy for me.”

Damen kept listening, his whole attention on Laurent, even ignoring the cake.

“We sat, we ordered the same strawberry cake and we talked a lot. I don’t remember it all, but I think there was a moment where we were talking about our favourite fruit. It was really funny when I told you that avocados were a fruit and you just pulled your cell phone out of your pocket and looked it up because you couldn’t believe me. You also evidently looked up a couple of pick up lines there, because I remember how the next two times you talked, I couldn’t stop laughing because of how ridiculously cheesy you tried to be.”

As he talked, Laurent started laughing. Laurent was  _ laughing _ …

“It’s still so funny to bring that up with Auguste, because it was just so  _ lame. F _ or example: ‘No wonder the sky is grey today, all the blue is in your eyes,’ or ‘When I saw you, I almost started looking for an entrance to the Heavens, because I thought an angel had gotten lost.’ I still wonder who told you that would be a good idea.”

Laurent  _ laughing… _

_ ‘Hey, at least admit I made you swoon a little bit,’ Damen had said. _

_ ‘Not enough for me to notice,’ Laurent had answered, still laughing.  _

_ ‘You wound me.’ Damen put a hand to his chest, acting as if he was hurt. Not that he had wanted Laurent to admit anything; making Laurent laugh was enough for him. ‘Then what about this one? Is your father a farmer?’ _

_ ‘No, he isn’t, why?’ Laurent was already laughing. _

_ ‘Well, because he raised such a cute-cumber!’ _

_ ‘I’m leaving.’  _

_ Damen had to actually stop Laurent from picking his jacket from the chair. _

_ Laurent’s smile was a gift from the heavens. Every time that mouth curved upwards, Damen felt accomplished, as if he had done something not everyone could do, and it felt good. It made his heart race and his face blush. Nik had said it, and Damen had to agree; he was very much on cloud nine. _

_ ‘Hey.’ Damen suddenly realized something. ‘You have some cream on the side of your mouth.’ _

_ Extending his hand towards Laurent, he gently wiped the cream off Laurent’s lips with his thumb and licked it off his finger. He went ahead and took his fork again to grab a piece of the cake, but as he did, he realized how hard Laurent was staring at him. _

_ Then, he realized. _

_ ‘Oh. OH, I’m, I’m so sorry, that was really inappropriate and-’ _

_ ‘It’s okay,’ Laurent answered. ‘I was just not expecting it, that’s all.’ _

_ That did not help Damen’s embarrassment at all, he could still feel his ears burning and his face getting darker, but it did help him realize something. Was Laurent blushing too? _

_ He was, wasn’t he? _

“Damen,” Laurent called his name. “Damianos!”

As if he was suddenly waking up, Damen felt whiplash against his temples, something stingy and painful enough to make him to groan. Laurent’s face grew worried.

“What’s wrong?”

“Sorry, sorry, I was just…” Damen drew in a deep breath, feeling the pain floating away as quickly as it had come. “I was...”

That had been a memory.

Damen had just  _ remembered _ that moment, hadn’t he?

He stared at Laurent, his expression turning into one of joy very quickly and his mind running faster than his self-control. He extended his hand, and with his thumb, he wiped the side of Laurent’s mouth, and though this time Laurent’s mouth was clear, his eyes still went wide open as he recognized that gesture.

“I was remembering something, I think.”

Laurent’s surprise immediately shifted into a smile. A soft, gentle smile that hid a world of bliss. 

“I was just going to tell you about that, but I guess that remembering it yourself is better.”

Damen’s heart was racing, it beat so fast against his chest that it threatened to burst out of it.  _ He could remember _ . The excitement of being in a date with Laurent, the joy of making him laugh and the embarrassment that came with both of those. The moment, the details, the awkwardness and the fun of it all,  _ he could remember it _ .

“I think,” Laurent started. “That’s when I realized that you were better at romance than me.”

“Even after I started mumbling and stuttering when I realized what I had just done?”

“Even after that. It was part of your nature, to be a man of skin, of gentle touching. I think… that’s probably a reason why I kept answering your calls.”

For a second there, Damen felt like the world had stopped spinning, like everyone had stopped moving, and for a moment, all he could see was Laurent smiling at him. 

It wasn’t making him nervous, or shaky, or insecure. It only made him feel warm.

He knew this feeling, and he knew he had felt it before, while looking at Laurent the same way.

It wasn’t like he could remember a moment, but… the feeling was there, definitely. 

And  _ god _ if it didn’t make him feel happy.

* * *

They kept talking for a while, focusing on each other to the point where they almost forgot they were eating cake. After paying the bill, Damen sent a text to Nikandros telling him that they were going back and, with Laurent’s guidance, they found the car and drove back home.

While driving, Laurent remained silent and focused on the road while Damen looked through the window at the nocturnal view of the city (and every few moments he’d steal a glance at Laurent’s profile. God, he was pretty).

As they arrived to the frat house, Laurent waited at the front and Damen unbuckled his belt.

“Want to come in and say hi to the rest?” Damen suggested.

“I think I’ll pass. Either way I’ll greet them as we get all food into the house, right?”

“Yeah,” Damen smiled. 

Nikandros and Auguste arrived almost as if summoned, and started unloading the trunk. Laurent gave them the list of things they bought, and quickly filled them in on just what they had to go through to get everything.

“Basically, what I’m saying is,” Laurent started. “You two better cook the dinner for us, we worked hard enough.”

“What if,” Auguste started negotiating. “You two cook dinner and we’re put in charge of finding the worst Christmas movies to watch.”

“Tempting, but not even The Yummy Gummy Bear Movie will make me forget the two hours I wasted waiting for steak.”

“It wasn’t even you the one who waited for the steak,” Damen commented.

Nikandros laughed at that. “Alright, alright, we’ll cook. Thanks for the hard work, you two.”

After Nikandros left the last bag at the kitchen counter, he started looking through the bags for stuff to put in the freezer, but Auguste called him:

“Hey Nik, you better check this out.”

Raising an eyebrow, Nikandros peeked his head through the kitchen door and saw Damianos leaning against the doorframe, talking with Laurent who was already leaving.

“How long do you think it’ll take for both of them to ‘get back together’?”

“Are you seriously asking me that question?”

Nikandros sighed. He wasn’t even surprised when he looked back at them and found them hugging at the door, Damen holding Laurent closer by the waist in what seemed like a  _ much-more-intimate-than-usual _ kind of hug.

“If they’re not already back to where they were, give them until Christmas.”

Auguste snickered. “You’re probably right,” and then he yelled at Damen. “Hey! Stop snuggling my little brother already!”

Damen almost immediately let Laurent go and Auguste didn’t even need to look at Laurent to know he was getting a stare full of hatred.

“Love you, Lau! See you on Christmas!” Auguste waved his hand, clearly not regretting a thing.

Nikandros sighed again and went back into the kitchen. As happy as he could be for Damianos to be so clearly in love, he had already dealt with the lovestruck idiot that Damianos had become before, and he wasn’t going to deal with it for a second time.

* * *

Christmas Eve came sooner than expected. Before Laurent arrived, Damen, Nik and Auguste threw a few string lights around the house and put in the living room a small plastic tree that they found in the attic. Thankfully no one was really big on festivities, so, as they had agreed before, Nik and Auguste wasted no time in starting to prepare dinner. They made steak and bacon pieces with applesauce and baked potatoes, as well as a lettuce and celery salad and, for dessert, a berry pie that was still in the oven.

“That way,” Nikandros explained, “we can eat it with ice cream while it’s still warm.”

The moment Damen saw the food in front of him, he felt his stomach rumbling, impatient to devour everything at once.

“I must say,” Laurent started, “you guys really outdid yourselves this year.”

“Better make a good breakfast tomorrow, you two,” Auguste laughed.

“Yeah, yeah,” Damen brushed it off with a wave of his hand. “Let’s dig in, I’m hungry dammit!”

They all ate silently for a while, tasting the juicy meat and the saltiness of the bacon mixed in between bites with the sweetness of the apples. Now and then, Damen commented about how good it tasted, though it had a bit too much pepper for his taste, but that was fixed if he drank some water in between.

“So,” Nik started. “The year’s ending, a lot has happened, what have we learned uptil now?”

“I’ll start,” Auguste answered. “I’ve been learning how to cook thanks to Nik, so that will help when I live by myself, and I’ve learned the satisfaction that comes when you roast a guy to high heavens.”

“I’m going to need the details of that later,” Laurent commented.

“Nice one. My turn then.” Nikandros cleared his throat. “This year, I’ve learned better techniques on how to teach other people, which is useful for things like training Auguste on how to cook, and I’ve also learned the best way to spend a Sunday: sitting in a couch playing Final Fantasy for five hours straight.”

“You are what dreams are made of,” Damen laughed.

“I guess…” Laurent thought for a while. “This year, I learned how to take care of a pet, as my neighbor asked me to watch over her dog for a couple of weeks, and it was a great time. Aside from that, I’ve learned that there’s always room to better yourself, especially when it comes to surpassing soccer moms and let them rot with their ‘secret recipe of super special apple pie’ in a pit.”

“Great, now Laurent is going to make a casserole recipe to mock all the Rachels in the world,” Auguste sighed. 

Damen finished chewing a piece of steak before speaking. “Well, sadly I still don’t remember most of this year, so… let’s just say that I learned to stay away from dudes that want to squash my head against a wall.”

Everyone at the table fell silent for a second. Nikandros stared intently at Damen.

“Damen, don’t be so hard on yourself,” he said. “You’ll remember everything in its own time, there’s no need to force it.”

Damen rested his head on a hand and stared at his food. It wasn’t like he was angry at himself, not anymore, but it was still pretty annoying to have blanks all over the place. Photos, stories, talking to other people, re-visiting places, everything had worked,  _ but only to a certain degree _ , leaving chunks of information missing and biting at Damen’s ass every time he tried to think clearly.

Okay, maybe it did embitter him a bit.

“I just remembered,” Laurent started. “There’s another thing I learned this year.”

Damen felt a subtle touch on his shoulder.

“I learned that it’s better to appreciate those around you, because you can’t know when you’ll lose them.”

Damen raised his head and stared at Laurent, as he felt slim fingers intertwining with his own under the table.

“And that, while it’s fun to remember the past, it’s always best to look forward to the new memories you can make, don’t you think so?”

“Uhh…” 

Damen tried to think of something to say, but before he could come up with anything at all, Auguste joined in.

“I’ll have to agree on that. This year I almost collapsed twice with papers to turn in and tests to study for, but talking with you guys just… helped me. It’s not something I can explain that well, but having you all around me keeps me sane, and I appreciate it.”

Nikandros sighed. “It’s the contrary for me, having you all around is what drives me nuts the most: Damen is naïve beyond correction, Auguste almost gave Erasmus a heart attack by cracking depressive jokes, I can still hear in my head how Pallas screams that older guy’s name in the night, Isander and Erasmus need to get laid, Laurent is the pettiest person I have ever met, and fuck me if I don’t love every single one of you, assholes. It’s thanks to you guys that I’ve managed to grow, to learn how to be more patient, and to loosen myself from time to time to drink a beer or two.”

Damen tried to hold it in, but in the end he burst out laughing. It didn’t take long before Auguste and Laurent joined in (though Laurent’s laugh was a bit more subtle).

“Sorry, sorry,” Damen tried to apologize in between chuckles. “I know you mean it, it’s just that, wow, that’s a really aggressive way to say that you love us.”

“I think it’s the best we can expect from Nik,” Auguste laughed. “It’s true we do sometimes drive him to the edge.”

Nikandros’ cheeks were darker than usual, probably due to the embarrassment, but that only made Damen’s heart feel warmer. He smiled at the people around him while they kept talking to and teasing Nikandros. He probably was being a bit too hard on himself, but god if these guys didn’t make it easier on him. 

In the end, these guys loved Damen, and he loved them back.

He turned his eyes to the side and looked at Laurent, who was still holding his hand under the table. His hair, his eyes, his smile, they were all just as beautiful as they had always been--ever since he could actually remember them. Having Laurent sitting right next to him made Damen feel like it was true; the future and the memories they could create felt much more important and… intriguing.

Well, if he had Laurent around, Damen felt like those memories couldn’t be all that bad.

* * *

After dinner, they all went upstairs to prepare to sleep. Auguste called dibs for the bathroom and went in before anyone noticed. Damen walked with Laurent up to the room where he would sleep that night.

“Don’t worry,” Damen reassured. “Pallas did a good job on cleaning his room before leaving. I checked this morning, and all is good.”

“Well then, thank you for your consideration.”

Damen leaned against the wall and Laurent lingered in the doorway, neither of them really wanting to say goodnight and part ways…

Until Damen felt something tap him on the head.

They both looked up to find a mistletoe hanging by a thread from a wood stick.

“Nik?!” Damen exclaimed as he noticed who was holding the stick.

“Come on, before I get back to my senses and whack you two with this.”

Damen felt his cheeks grow hotter, and saw Laurent wasn’t much better. They both stuttered and averted their eyes, embarrassed, asking if it was okay and if the other wanted it, but before Nik had the time to groan, Damen finally managed to put his hands on Laurent’s hips, to which Laurent answered by holding Damen’s shoulders as they got closer. Damen felt the warmth of Laurent’s body under his palms and against his chest, Laurent’s breath against his lips, saw his eyes slowly closing…

And, finally, their lips touched softly as they kissed.

In that moment, Damen felt a  _ familiar sensation _ again. The heartbeat stopping inside his chest, the time slowing down around them, the ticklish, tingling feeling on his lips,  _ Damen had felt all of it before _ . 

And as their lips went apart, as their quick kiss came to an end, he knew he didn’t need to remember the moment of their first kiss to know that it felt just as special as this.

Damen smiled at Laurent, and Laurent smiled back at him.

“I’m sleeping in your room tonight,” Laurent declared.

In the silence that followed, Damen blinked once, twice. Three times.  _ … Excuse me,  _ he thought,  _ what? _ Had he heard him well? Was this not just a trick of his imagination?

“ _ What? _ ” Nikandros asked.

“You heard me,” Laurent said. 

“Yeah, right,  _ over my dead body. _ I already said no sex allowed.”

“Who said anything about sex?” Laurent seemed determined. “Listen, I’ve been patient enough, Damianos will cuddle me to sleep tonight and there is nothing you can do to prevent that from happening.”

Nik looked at Damen with eyes that begged him to say something, but Damen’s darkened cheeks spoke loud and clear for him.

“You  _ horny piece of shit _ ,” Nikandros muttered, every syllable oozing betrayal. “Damianos, for  _ one _ day, would you please stop  _ thinking with your di- _ ”

“What’s going on here?” Auguste said, fresh from the shower, still drying his hair with a towel.

“Auguste,  _ please _ convince your brother to sleep  _ in his own goddamn room? _ ”

Auguste looked in the direction of Damen and Laurent, noticing how they were still almost hugging each other, then lowered his gaze and noticed how Nikandros was holding a stick with a mistletoe hanging from it, and then went back to staring at Laurent.

“No sex allowed, otherwise do as you please.”

Laurent smirked, victorious, as Nikandros opened his mouth to argue, but then-

“No one asked you to hold a mistletoe over them,” Auguste pointed out. “You dug your own grave, dude. Sorry.”

_ “I am going to dig your grave and fucking bury you alive.” _

As Auguste and Nikandros kept discussing, Laurent looked into Damen’s eyes and asked:

“Can we sleep together tonight?”

Damianos, who could not keep up the pace with all that was going on around him, only managed to swallow hard and nod slowly, unable to say anything at all.

“Good,” Laurent smiled, before stealing a small peck from Damen’s lips. “I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you liked it, god if this was a wild ride to write. If you like my writings, you can hit me up in my tumblr  
> https://bittersweet-cocoa.tumblr.com/ (I had to remake my tumblr because I lost access to my old account)  
> Or in my twitter @sunfalldown  
> Anyway, kudos and comments are highly appreciated, thanks again for reading, I love you guys, happy holidays.


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